Friday, August 22, 2008

The Next Food Network Star

Oh. Em. Gee.

We thought you were dead.

No, dear Reader, but in living up to the name of this blog, my short attention span has taken me in crazy, new directions and sadly, I've ignored you all like the cat box in desperate need of some love. Or at least a good scooping. So, what's the dealio? Can I tell you that my food allergies have absorbed all my time? Can I tell you that I've had a birthday and have been way too preoccupied with Oil of Olay products? Can I tell you that "The X-Files, I Want To Believe" is a genius movie that I have seen more times than any movie in the last several years? Can I tell you that it's summertime and the livin' is easy? I can. All of these things are true. It's been a busy summer between re-learning how to cook, counting wrinkles, blowing out candles and over & over again seeing the cinematic masterpiece of our time.

I'm sure you've been busy, too. Tell me, friends, what did YOU do on your summer vacation?

So now I'm feeling fall coming around the bend…the first chilly evenings have settled on Los Angeles. I have lit the oven and not sauna'ed myself into a smaller dress size. Yankee Candle Company has sent me their Back To School catalog. Plaid Mary-Jane's are on sale at Nine West. White Wine takes its annual step back to allow Red back into my life. Ah, fall…

What else happens in the fall? The new TV season, of course! How many of you, like me, waited with bated breath for the TV Guide New Fall Season to come in the mail? How many of you, like me, took pen to paper and calculated, with the war mentality of Napoleon, what your perfect tv week would be? Or, more accurately, what you could cajole your parents into letting you watch? The excitement was palpable!!

Huh? No? You had lives, and boy/girlfriends and better things to do? Oh. OK. Well, imagine you had none of those things and the best thing in life was trying to figure out how to get Mom & Dad to let you watch BOTH Moonlighting AND Scarecrow & Mrs. King without sacrificing their Hill Street Blues or Dynasty. What? They were all on different nights? AH HA!! Caught ya!!!

I digress. My whole point is that with the new tv season comes a whole new round of reality shows promising to humiliate anyone with enough balls to show up past the first audition. And this suggestion is what my friends are thinking I should do with one month of my life: namely, go to NY and try out to be The Next Food Network Star. Their logic is sound: This whole allergy thing has opened up a new world for me – I've had to completely re-vamp my cooking and eating habits (pretty successfully, though I say it myself)…and they're sure I'm not the only one. This would be a clever and inventive angle to get noticed. They also think that the visual of Stroke Girl Meets Drunk Girl would be precious on national television. While imparting my wisdom on the masses sounds initially tempting – and the whole "TV Star" thing sounds fun, do I really want to put myself out there like that? While I love the idea, the reality of 14 hour days and panic-stricken pressure-cooking give me hives. Besides. If Alton Brown doesn't like something I make, I know I'd cry. I'm way too delicate for criticism.

Though…fame and fortune is a tempting lover…and it would make winning the lottery instantly "Plan B"…I don't know…who's to say they'd even like my idea? Right?

1 comment:

Helen said...

Oh, just go for it! Think of it as a lark and send in your video! You can decide if you want to go through with it when and/or if they pick you! You have nothing to lose. If they do pick you, you will get exposure for a cookbook at the very least. Do you really plan to spend the rest of your life working for a control freak who micromanages your bathroom breaks? Maybe Food Network Star isn't what you really want, but I say it is a great way to find out how much interest there is in your ideas and it forces you to evaluate where it is you do want to go!