I Want To Be Good

Really. I do!! I don't believe we should peek at what's in Mom's & Dad's closet anywhere from around Halloween until around, say, December 26 or 27. That wouldn't be sportsmanlike…it wouldn't be fair. Not to your folks – not to you. There is something really lovely and exciting and fabulous about anticipation. Remember? WAITING for Santa? Waiting for summer vacation? Waiting for that first date or first kiss or anything??? Am I the only child-like oddity in a world full of instant gratification?

For all of you not very familiar with me, my Christmas comes on the 25^th. This year it happens to come in July. Yes, Santa still has white hair, and yes, his name is Chris, but he doesn't say "HO! HO! HO!"- he says "ummm." A lot. But I love him dearly as he is still, after all this time, the mysterious bringer of joy to my little world. He is, of course, Chris Carter. And this year Santa is bringing me, and all my brothers and sisters a Very Special Present – FINALLY!! X-Files 2 – Done One or something like that…anyway.

Here's the thing, X-Files brothers and sisters of mine: I KNOW where Mom & Dad hide the pressies. I know!! Which is PRECISELY why I go nowhere near the closest for a long ass time before Christmas! I may PRETEND I don't know so they'll keep hiding them there. This is a calculated move – if the presents get moved, I may stumble on them unintentionally someday. And that would suck. Because then I'd know what I'm getting for Chris-mas. Which I don't want to know until Chris-mas Day when I open them. Popcorn in hand. Sweaty palms. Not being able to sleep at all the night before but KNOWING that I have to sleep or Santa won't come.

This is fun!! This is exciting!!

So please – though I say it in vain – please don't open up the closet and put all the presents in the middle of the living room floor. Please?? I don't want to know until July 25, but I don't want to walk around the house with my eyes closed for the next 3 ½ months, either. It'd be funny watching me bump into things, for sure…but it wouldn't be nice.

You better watch out…you better not cry…